Best Friend or a Best Friend?

I don’t remember much of how it started but I do know that by the time we were graduating we were best friends. We went places together told each other things, and well people knew we were best friends. For more than a year I knew how it felt to have someone that rooted for you and someone to argue with and be myself. Someone who told me all about his relationship, his family, opinions etc., it was a true not one-sided best friendship. This is a friendship that has lingered with me as one of my best. Though now distance seems to be cutting connection but I know he is rooting for me as I am rooting for him.
My mum says she was really impressed the day I was late for an examination and he kept calling and stalling the examination from starting. She was so impressed. I guess I discovered someone who embraced my personality, a partner in crime who wasn’t overwhelmed by my energy and characteristics. Someone who truly knew me, yes, once again I’m on friendships.
A friend asked me some time ago how I see relationships and stuff and well I did reply. I told her I believed these things occurred at the right time and rushing into having a boyfriend doesn’t do it for you. In this century know that my opinion is somewhat unrealistic. I said however that now, friendships are a priority. Yes they are, and we do learn a lot from friends, they contribute plenty to us. Friends are a vital part of social living; they are the pulse of socializing. I have had a lot.
For me I guess I made up my mind some time ago about this issue. He was my ‘school father’. Surprisingly and till date I wonder why but he used come see me in my class. He was the first person to tell me to become head girl. He probably wouldn’t remember it but I do. We used to play, rehash occurrences in school. He was a smart popular boy. Those fine seniors, a lot of girls liked. He planted the idea in my head. One time we were talking and he said, “I want to marry my first girlfriend, like, I don’t want to have a girlfriend before the person I marry”. It stuck. I couldn’t shake it out of my head and well it was my first real promise to me and God, I think.
Where am I going with this, wait for it.
I always have been a typical girl in the aspect of dreaming about marriage and children. I think it’s probably built into us. Well so since I made my promise to myself and since I’m a girl I had to make a list. I think I made it when I was thirteen. Right now I cannot remember what was in it, okay actually I do, and I’m a bit embarrassed to confess. I’ll write it all in my book. For now just know most of those things are not the issues anymore.
So well then as we all do we always try to find that perfect person for right from the time we have coherent semi teenage thoughts. Well these days my list has about five things in it. Somehow as there are so many people in the world somebody fits the bill, (more on this in my book too). So well today a sister-friend says I should be whoever I think it is best friend. I thought to myself, no, I’m not his best friend. Fact is I only seem to be best friend to a girl doing my course in school.
As I thought more on it I couldn’t help but realize that my concept of being a person’s best friend was totally wrong. We are supposed to be everybody’s best friend. I should be our goal. I bet you don’t understand yet because like me you see it the way we have seen it for a long time. When we think of a best friend we think of that one person we tell everything, makes us feel important all the time, thinks alike etc. I realise that’s a very narrow view of this concept.
I say again, we are supposed to be or strive to be everybody’s best friend. Okay, let’s consider this together. If we work to be the best we can be, it should reflect in everything right? So even in friendship we should try to be the best friend that can be. Friendship is a unique relationship that we underestimate. Yes, there are boundaries, but who created them? I mean what makes it wrong for you to hang out with someone you met yesterday.
The usually said saying, ‘don’t judge a book by its cover’ usually applies a lot when getting close to friends. I met a girl in first semester. She was really impressed with my hair. She kept asking “So you have never cut it?” and I kept laughing and smiling (African blush). After that I started talking to her in class. She started telling me about guys that she admired and ones she thought were weird. Then she told me about her boyfriend. She really loves talking about him but she didn’t seem to have anyone to tell.
Pretty soon we hung out all the time. We started sitting together in classes in silence at first, then the occasional sentence, then notes and then whispers and notes. I realised she was a smart person. I started chilling in her room. Spending time with her however got me away from other friends, who became real friendly with her too. Now well we all know each other and we are all friends.
So then I asked her once why she started talking to me and she says I spoke to her first. She said I greeted her one day with a huge smile on my face and she wondered who I was then she saw we took three classes together and she was impressed and so she started talking to me. As we were about to go on holiday, I realised and wondered if I spent adequate time with all my friends and frankly, no, I didn’t.
It wasn’t totally my fault and I am only one person. However I did have chances which I ignored. So since it bothered me I made the decision to cease every opportunity to be a best friend. This done by greeting people, making or buying presents, showing an interest in their lives, being there for them. It’s not an easy task but I’m growing up.
This guy that I have chosen to feel a lot of affection for does not see me as his best friend, no, definitely not, I don’t even know what he sees me as but I can be a best friend. I can love my neighbour as myself. I decide that though sentiment may not be mutual I will be hurt as open myself up reach out to a lot of people. So then my journey to grow up begun some time ago, friendship seems to be a critical growing up element.
Today I told my mum that she wasn’t my friend because she wasn’t listening to me (she was sleepy), and she said, “No Tomi I’m your friend”. Well I’m pointing out that our family members are our first teachers on friendships, they are usually the most trust worthy friends and the ones that last the longest. I remember a time my sister came from school and said she met a friend of mines sister. She had never met this friend before. She said she saw the surname and since I always spoke about him, mentioning the surname she asked the girl if she happened to be his sister and she turned out to be.
I’m not saying be trusting and, reel anybody in, the Holy Spirit wants to lead you listen to him bearing witness with your spirit. Have you ever wondered about how insane the disciples seem to have just followed some guy that says I will make you fishers of men? I assume they thirsted for a friendship and had open hearts and he already knew it because the Spirit leading him knew it. So I just want to shout out to all my friends.
So this time I encourage go out of your way for friends, holding on to remaining connected to them. We all want to be extraordinary, it from ordinary things the extra come from. So if you think, calling a friend, going to visit a friend, buying a gift for a friend and communicating ‘personal things’ to a friend is ordinary, just wait, perseverance makes it extra. Thank you for reading.

Best Friend
I have a friend I call my brother
Sometimes he thinks and talks like an imposter
He can be a really bad pretender
You cannot predict the next stunt he might do
For him I’m sure anyone i can sue
One thing I know and really respect about my friend is
For knowledge almost anywhere he will search
Right now that’s all I can say about my friend for now
Because so many words I cannot find to tell about my friend.

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• Are friendships less important to boys? – No – but adolescence makes them trickier (babble.com)
• Friendship: You Have to Want It (blarouche.wordpress.com)
• Best Friends? Not Any More. (howtodealwithdrama.wordpress.com)
• Define Friendship. (paigemwhipple.wordpress.com)
• Friendship: The new Rules of Engagement (thewriterinmeblog.wordpress.com)